MONTY PYTHON'S FISH LICENSE SKETCH

I was going to publish this post on 4B's page but I've finally decided to do it here so everyone can enjoy it as much as I do:

Monty Python was a British comedy group that created the influential Monty Python's Flying Circus, a British television comedy sketch show that first aired on the BBC on 5 October 1969. Forty-five episodes were made over four series.

The Python phenomenon developed from the television series into something larger in scope and impact, spawning touring stage shows, films, numerous albums, several books and a stage musical as well as launching the members to individual stardom. The group's influence on comedy has been compared to The Beatles' influence on music.

The Fish Licence sketch, which you see here, is part one of a two-part segment of the popular British television series, Monty Python's Flying Circus.This sketch was not only shown in the Flying Circus TV Show - Episode 23, it appeared on their album - Another Monty Python's Previous Record'.
The cast:
PRALINE 
John Cleese 
CLERK 
Michael Palin 
SINGER 
Eric Idle 

In it Eric Praline, played by John Cleese, takes on the role of the put-upon customer who, when seeking to obtain a licence for his pet "'alibut" named Eric, has difficulty explaining to the clerk (Michael Palin) how all pets should be licensed. The pets he mentions are:
Eric the halibut
Eric the cat
Eric the dog
Eric the fruit-bat
Eric the half-a-bee
This is one of the three appearances by Eric Praline, along with the Dead Parrot sketch and a brief appearance as a link the 5th episode of the second series, "Live from the Grill-o-Mat".

The clerk repeatedly calls the customer a 'loony', to which the customer repeatedly replies by making reference to other people who kept odd pets. When the customer tells the clerk that he has a cat license the clerk requests to see it and the customer produces a dog license form with the word dog crossed out and cat written in crayon, when the clerk points this out the customer replies that the men from the cat detector van (a parody of the TV detector van), which comes from the Ministry of Housinge (That’s how it is spelt on the van). The man said he paid 60 quid for the cat license and 8 guineas for the fruit bat (Eric the fruit bat).

Enjoy!

This next song followed the routine called the Fish Licence. One such pet is half a bee. The song relates a tragic yet heartwarming tale, stemming from an accident on one summer's afternoon.

The lyrics raise philosophical questions as to the existence or not of half a bee: "Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be. But half the bee has got to be, vis-à-vis its entity - d'you see? But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee when half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?". The piece ends with a reference to the distinguished English philosopher Cyril Connolly.

The full script:

Praline: (whistles a bit, then) Hello. I would like to buy a fish license, please. 

Postal clerk: A what?

Praline: A license for my pet fish, Eric.

Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?

Praline: No, no, no! My fish's name is Eric. Eric fish. He's an halibut.

Clerk: What?

Praline: He is an halibut.

Clerk: You've got a pet halibut?

Praline: Yes, I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.

Clerk: You must be a loony.

Praline: I am not a loony. Why should I be tarred with the epithet 'loony' merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabarro has a pet prawn called Simon - you wouldn't call him a loony! Furthermore Dawn Pathorpe, the lady show jumper, had a clam called Stafford, after the late chancellor. Alan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an 'addock! So if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche de temps perdu' a loony, I shall have to ask you to step outside!

Clerk: All right, all right, all right. A license?

Praline: Yes!

Clerk: For a fish.

Praline: Yes!

Clerk: You *are* a loony.

Praline: Look, it's a bleeding pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet dog Eric, I've got a license for me pet cat Eric.

Clerk: You don't need a license for your cat.

Praline: I bleedin' well do and I've got one! Can't be caught out there!

Clerk: There is no such thing as a bloody Cat license.

Praline: Yes there is.

Clerk: No there isn't.

Praline: Is!

Clerk: Isn't!

Praline: Is!

Clerk: Isn't!

Praline: Is!

Clerk: Isn't!

Praline: Is!

Clerk: Isn't!

Praline: Is!

Clerk: Isn't!

Praline: Is!

Clerk: Isn't!

Praline: What's that then?

Clerk: This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in, in crayon.

Praline: Man didn't have the right form.

Clerk: What man?

Praline: The man from the cat detector van.

Clerk: The loony detector van, you mean.

Praline: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.

Clerk: What cat detector van?

Praline: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.

Clerk: Housinge?

Praline: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant. I never seen so many bleedin' aerials. The man said their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards, and Eric being such a happy cat was a piece of cake.

Clerk: How much did you pay for this?

Praline: Sixty quid and eight for the fruit-bat.

Clerk: What fruit-bat?

Praline: Eric the fruit-bat.

Clerk: Are all your pets called Eric?

Praline: There's nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.

Clerk: No he didn't.

Praline: Did!

Clerk: Didn't!

Praline: Did, did, did, did, did and did!

Clerk: Oh all right.

Praline: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?

Clerk: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.

NB: The TV Version continues.....the album version continues below 

Praline: Then I would like a statement to that effect signed by the Lord Mayor. 


(This next part is not on the youtube video because it belongs to the album version)

Praline: In that case give me a bee license.

Clerk: A license for your pet bee.

Praline: Correct.

Clerk: Called Eric? Eric the bee?

Praline: No.

Clerk: No?

Praline: No, Eric the half bee. He had an accident.

Clerk: You're off your chump.

Praline: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or even to deny the semi-existence of my little chum Eric the half bee, I shall have to ask you to listen to this. Take it away, Eric the orchestra-leader.

(The song:)

Singer: A one, two, a one two three four!

Praline (sings): 
  Half a bee, philosophically,
  Must, ipso facto, half not be.
  But half the bee has got to be
  Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?
 
  But can a bee be said to be
  Or not to be an entire bee
  When half the bee is not a bee
  Due to some ancient injury?
 
Chorus: La dee dee, one two three,
  Eric the half a bee.
  A B C D E F G,
  Eric the half a bee.
 
Praline: Is this wretched demi-bee,
  Half-asleep upon my knee,
  Some freak from a menagerie?
  No! It's Eric the half a bee!
 
Chorus: Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
  Eric the half a bee.
  Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
  Eric the half a bee.
 
Praline: I love this hive, implore ye-ee,
  Bisected accidentally,
  One summer afternoon by me,
  I love him carnally.
 
Chorus: He loves him carnally,
  Semi-carnally.
 

Praline: The end.

Clerk: Cyril Connolly?

Praline: No, semi-carnally!

Clerk: Oh.

Chorus: Cyril Connolly. (Whistle end of tune.)

If you liked this, you'll find more sketches here,  Monty Python's Youtube Channel.